It is that “most wonderful time of the year” when we are constantly confronted with messages about the magic of the holidays. The holidays mean different things to all of us, and although many look forward to gathering with family and friends, holiday gatherings can also be a source of stress.
Many can easily identify the stress that comes with planning, cleaning, and cooking, or perhaps the holiday guests we are less over-joyed to see or loved ones we are missing. We might be less likely though to recognize the stress that holiday meals can create for some. Many of us were raised to believe that celebrations are not just about good company, but also good food.
As the holidays approach, we notice more and more people talking about eating, food, and bodies, and not always in helpful ways. Holiday meals, and even the holiday season, can become sources of “fat talk” (negative or demeaning comments about weight and shape we use when ‘bonding’), pressure around food, and unhelpful messages about bodies and diet culture. This can be very difficult for people in any body, regardless of size or shape, especially for those struggling with body image concerns and rigid rules about eating influenced by diet culture.
Navigating food and weight-related comments at family gatherings can be very challenging and contribute to negative emotions. Below are some strategies to minimize food and body talk during the holidays, and in every-day life.
What you can do to help avoid this – even beyond the holidays!
- Do not make negative or derogatory comments about your own body. For example, “I have a total muffin top in these pants, I need to lose weight.”
- Do not moralize food. For example, “Ugh, I feel so full after that meal, I need to be good tomorrow.” Eating/food should not be moralized. Food is not good or bad, and we are not good or bad for eating something. Food is food.
- Do not comment on what others are or are not eating.
- Emphasize the time together, rather than the meal.
- Do not talk about weight gain, diets, or weight loss. Don’t engage in gossip at the expense of others’ weight change (or lack of change), food choices, or movement habits.
- Don’t laugh or engage when comments are made about others’ bodies or food choices. Even if the comment is not focused on you, this can send a clear message that you are not accepting of similar narratives.
Ultimately, food brings us together during this season, whether we are cooking or baking for others, sharing a meal together, or gifting it. Enjoying your favorite peanut butter cookies that your aunt makes around the holidays is not a character flaw, nor does it mean you should receive targeted food or weight-related comments. There are no bad foods. Despite this, challenging diet culture norms is not easy. Complimenting the chef’s recipe can also be a great way to re-direct the conversation away from you (or others), and onto positive aspects of food, away from food morality. Below are some more examples of strategies for how to gently set boundaries that you are not interested in engaging in negative comments about food and body.
How you can respond to food and weight-related comments:
- “What an odd thing to say!” This is a great response to a negative comment towards food choices or body – for example, in response to gossip-like comments.
- Prompts like: “That’s not something I want to talk about today, how is…?” or, “I’d be happy to talk about anything else, like…” can help you re-direct the conversation, while acknowledging food and body is not a topic you’re willing to discuss at this time.
- “My body (or what I have on my plate) is the least interesting thing to talk about, how are you? How is … going?” This prompt is an easy way to re-direct the conversation to what you would like to connect about – for example, what is new in their lives since the last time you spoke.
- “Hey! I didn’t ask for your opinion on what I’m eating or how I look.”
- Walk away, or don’t respond – sometimes silence can be the loudest message. Dependent on the setting, you could walk away to help with clean-up, or catch-up with a family member in a different room.
Afterwards, being mindful and taking time to reflect can re-affirm that such comments are not an accurate reflection of you, and that often people make negative or unhelpful comments with little thought to their impact. Lastly, spending time on a hobby, or planning a fun activity to do with your supports after the event, can be a positive coping strategy.
At Valeo, we are a team of professionals providing psychology, nutrition, and movement services, to help you feel your best. Book an appointment, or try a free 15-minute consultation call with one of our providers, to see if our services would be a good fit for you!
